What Makes Obsessive Thoughts Obsessive?
Understanding the Core of OCD
Photo by Alberto Bigoni on Unsplash
Beyond the Stereotypes
Has your brain ever given you something you didn’t ask for? An image of you jumping from a window. A violent flash of harming someone you love. A sudden question: What if I don’t really love them? Or a song in your head, like a buzzing fly. Everyone has experienced this—unwanted thoughts that cause distress or discomfort. For most people, they’re infrequent and come and go with little consequence. But imagine experiencing these types of thoughts for hours per day. And they’re not just a little uncomfortable—they’re urgent and overwhelming. You’d probably want relief, right? In the jumping example, you could get away from any nearby windows, but what happens when the thoughts come roaring back stronger the next time? Or with the song in your head, you push back relentlessly, but it just keeps playing.
For those with OCD, these thoughts (obsessions) are so distressing and sticky that they become critical problems to be solved—and the more you try to solve them, the stickier they get. Obsessions threaten what matters most—our relationships, values, autonomy, sense of worth, and capacity to live fully. Intrusive thoughts aren’t passing annoyances about being particular or checking the stove twice—they’re experienced as emergencies.
Many with OCD know—at least in calmer moments—that their fears don’t make sense. Yet even then, the discomfort is so intense that avoidance feels like the logical move. They know they wouldn’t jump from a dangerously high place, yet even the possibility is so distressing and uncomfortable that doing something to address that remote possibility—like avoiding a window, or analyzing the thought—seems like the only fix.
The Difference Between Normal Intrusions and Clinical Obsessions
So what separates everyday intrusive thoughts from clinical obsessions? Research indicates that up to 90% of people experience intrusive thoughts. This came up during my training in exposure and response prevention (ERP), and according to the psychologist leading it, the other 10% are just lying about it.
What Turns a Thought into an Obsession (The Core Features)
The key distinction between a thought and an obsession is how the thought is experienced and responded to. A thought becomes an obsession when it’s:
Intrusive: a constant, unwelcome mental visitor
Unacceptable: highly undesirable and against one’s core values
Resisted: there’s a strong urge to suppress, eradicate, or avoid
Uncontrollable: the belief that efforts at control are futile
The Anxiety Trap
Anxiety and fear are the core emotional experiences of OCD. Other emotions like guilt, shame, and sadness are often part of the mix, but anxiety is driving the bus—in a vicious cycle. It isn't just feeling worried. It's the sensation that if you don't do something right now—check, avoid, confess, analyze—something terrible will happen. Your body doesn’t know it’s a false alarm; it reacts as if the danger were real. And when you give in and do the compulsion, there’s relief... for maybe five minutes. Then the thought comes back stronger because you’ve inadvertently taught your brain that the thought was dangerous enough to require action.
In other words: obsessions → anxiety → compulsions → temporary relief → stronger obsessions…
Conclusion: A New Way to Look at Your Mind
If you recognize yourself here—if your thoughts feel this urgent, this counter to who you are—here’s what matters: these thoughts don’t mean something’s wrong with you. They mean your brain is working overtime to protect you from threats that aren’t real. Effective treatment (like ERP, I-CBT, ACT, or MCT) isn’t about winning the argument with your thoughts. It’s about changing how you relate to them—learning that you don’t have to solve every problem your brain throws at you.
The thought isn’t the problem. The fight with the thought is. Relief comes when you stop trying to win the argument.